Dammit!

Well, as the kids say, shit just got real.

Let me first do a little backdrop for the folks at home. I am the Goddess, and when I say that, I mean it. I love myself, even with all my faults and my shortcomings. And I, like everybody else, have many. Perfection is unattainable and quite frankly boring.  The universe don't make junk, and I believe we are ALL fucking fabulous. The problem is that most people have no idea who they are when they look in the mirror.

I am 45, a redhead, and I have lived a absolutely fabulous life. Traveled, loved, learned, and put a hand out to others when needed. And I intend to continue to live a fabulous life with one exception. Apparently I am gonna have to grow up a little bit.

I have been diagnosed with a enlarged aorta and insulin resistance. And I am not even surprised. I have lived a life at ninety miles per hour and I am selfish and spoiled. I want things my own damn way, and I certainly don't want to fall in line with clean living and give up massive amounts of chocolate,cheese, and wine.

Dammit.

So here we go. Shit's gotta change, and change rapidly. I have been married almost two years (in October) to the absolutely, most wonderful man alive. Why he puts up with me I'll never know. Of course I am a blast at parties so maybe it's the entertainment factor. I don't want to have ten years and then leave this earth without the benefit of his company till I grow old. So it's time to get up off the couch and do the shit I knew I was gonna have to do someday. Someday's today.

So I am going to have to learn to do the right things, but I am going to learn to do them my way. Exercise, I like it. I like the idea of exercise more than actually doing it. So I have been hit or miss. So that will have to change. And eating, that's gonna be a struggle. I am a hedonist, and more of a good thing is fabulous.

Moderation. Shit.

So why am I here? Because if I am gonna keep my sanity, I am gonna have to purge this shit from my soul so it doesn't back up and make me absolutely batty. So putting my feeling to the pen, so to speak, gives me a release.And a gauge. If I am gonna have to hold my self accountable, I can't do it in secret. I have an eating disorder. Why? Cause I didn't have a great childhood? Nope. Nothing more than automatic thinking. I love food and I don't understand why I can't have what I want. But what I truly want is more important than food. When it's my time to go, I will have no regrets whatsoever. But I am not in a hurry to get to the graveyard.

The Goddess